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9:41am on Friday, 25th October, 2024:

Alive

Anecdote

I survived my operation yesterday and can confirm that at the time of writing I am alive.

Medical information incoming: skip if this kind of thing bores or triggers you.

The procedure itself only took 20 minutes. Because it was easy and wasn't likely to overrun, I was supposed to be first in the queue for hernia ops, which indeed I was. Unfortunately, the anaesthetist didn't show up so I had to wait an hour and a half for another one to be free.

The surgeon only discovered that the anaesthetist was missing when she asked if I'd spoken to him yet. The nurse who checked again a few minutes later put it a different way: "Has the anaesthetist come round yet?". I take it from this that the anaesthetist occasionally tests his equipment on himself.

She surgeon's name was Miss Read. That's the name of the author of a series of books about village life that my mother used to read. I don't suppose she's the same person, based on the evidence that the author died aged 98 in 2012. Still, my mum would have found the coincidence amusing.

I took my draft Pocket Plaitword puzzle book with me and found it surprisingly useful at passing the time. I also took a Pocket Suguru book with me; that one (which I got off Amazon) isn't so good because the puzzles use often numbers 1 to 9 and they're nowhere near as good as the ones that only use 1 to 5.

I got to walk to the anaesthetising room, which was adjacent to the operating theatre. The surgeon prefers this, I suspect to make sure that blood is flowing and so reduce the possibility of clots forming. I was expecing to notice when the anaesthetic (which went in through a cannula) kicked in, because I generally notice when I fall asleep. I didn't, however, which was a new experience. I did notice when I was waking up, though. I didn't experience any grogginess or disorientation or anything, I just woke up as normal, so the replacement anaesthetist did a good job there.

The only pain I felt — which was considerably worse than I was expecting — was when the nurse removed the surgical tape holding the cannula in place and took every hair on the back of my hand with it.

The main side effect of the operation was a complete dryness of the mouth. The anaesthetist had warned me in advance of this, which he said was caused by sticking a tube down my throat while I was under. I think it must have also been to do with the anaesthetic, though, because it lasted for hours and water did nothing to relieve it. My prodigious salivary glands were firing blanks, if they were firing at all. Milk was better, and a rice pudding helped, but I kept having to swig back water to keep my mouth wet then visiting the toilet to dispose of the water the rest of my body had no use for.

I've been given some surgical stockings to wear. They're bottle green in colour, so the only item of clothing I have that they match is my bottle green shirt. I'm supposed to wear them for a week, but have permission to take them off at bedtime so will be able to give them a wash. Unfortunately, when I tried to do that last night it involvedusing my stomach muscles, which because that's what the hernia op was tackling I decided was probably a bad idea. I'll try again tonight, but do it sitting down in the light rather than standing up in the dark.

I'm getting no pain from the incision site. There may still be painkillers at work, though, because I'm getting none from my aching tooth, either. As for when the dressing is to be removed, it's there for a week or so I think. Maybe it'll fall off when the six-inch circle of stomach hair that was shaved off for the surgery starts growing back and pushes it off. I'm not supposed to get it wet, but have been provided with replacements for when I inevitably do get it wet having a shower.

As I was a daycare patient, I shared a room with another daycare patience also having a hernia op. His was much more impressive than mine, about the size of a hen's egg (mine was basically flat). His is the sort of hernia that hernia surgeons live for. I was allowed to keep my underpants on for my op, but he wasn't for his. You should have had it seen to earlier, mate!

Overall, this minor operation wasn't a terrible or terrifying experience. I went in at 12:40 and came out at 7:15 (90 minutes later than scheduled because of Mr Sleepy the Anaesthetist). If all surgery was like this, I'd have no worries about it. That said, if my wound gets infected and kills me, I may have to revise my opinion.

Naturally, it didn't cost me a penny because I don't live in the USA — woohoo!




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