The everyday blog of Richard Bartle.
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9:20am on Saturday, 3rd August, 2024:
Anecdote
Ah, good, I can hear out of my left ear again.
Around 13th June, I was having a shower and some shampoo-carrying water made its way into my ear, blocking it up. Most of the glands in my body seem able to produce vast quantities of the required product at short notice, and whatever churns out earwax is among them: it leapt to the defence of my eardrum, as a result of which I could barely hear a thing out of my left ear on Father's Day (16th June).
I left it a few days, because sometimes these things clear up on their own, but after a week there was no change so I decided I need to see someone with a big syringe to clear it.
Last time this happened, a nurse at the local GP surgery did the business for me. My daughter (the pharmacist) told me they didn't do it any more, but I thought it was worth trying anyway. I therefore spent 40 minutes in a phone queue on Monday 24th before speaking to a receptionist. She heard the word "ear" and said I needed to go to the hearing clinic. My surgery only does hearing clinics on Wednesdays and the 26th was already full, but she could put me in on 3rd July.
Ah, well I was flying to Jersey on that date, so she booked me in for 10th July instead. Another couple of weeks of having barely any hearing in one ear would be manageable, and at least I'd get it fixed before going on holiday.
Come 10th July, I arrived at the hearing clinic only to find that the one device they have for examining ears was broken. Not to fear, though! After a mere 20 minutes, a paramedic arrived with a second device attached to her mobile phone. She looked in my ear and told me it was full of wax and needed clearing. I explained that this is why I was here. The hearing expert told me they don't do that any more, I needed to see a specialist. I said I thought the hearing clinic specialised in it. I was told it doesn't. It specialises in telling you that you need to see a specialist. She also told me my other ear was full of wax and it was amazing I could hear anything out of that one, either.
So, my daughter was right and I had to go on holiday practically deaf in one ear.
Now, as it happens, they do earwax removal at her pharmacy, so I made an appointment to get it done upon my return.
Upon my return, I developed COVID-19 so had to cancel and make another appointment. That one was on Tuesday 30th.
My right ear behaved well and was cleared easily. My left ear — the one I couldn't hear out of — presented other problems.
It seems that the wax was actually stuck to the eardrum. The specialist only sees that problem once or twice a year, but unluckily for me I was one of the one or two people to exhibit it. Also, my eardrum is exceptionally deep inside my head on the left, too far for her instrument to reach. Oh, and instead of being vertical like with my right ear, my left eardrum is pretty well horizontal and therefore presents accessibility problems on top of everything else.
Never mind, she knew of an audiologist who could sort it out. She's the person I went to see yesterday. Her surname is Sithole, which is one of those surnames that schoolkids like to add an extra letter to, so she was very stoic. She also had an enormous bosom that she had to press into me when looking in my ear. I ensured I gave no indication of having noticed.
It turned out that the audiologist is very good at her job. She had an extra-long instrument with a bent ending, which could suck the wax directly from my eardrum. Unfortunately, whenever a piece came off it hurt like crazy and made me jump. I have exceptionally fast reactions and am unable to prevent this kind of thing even when I know it's going to happen. If it had hurt all the time I wouldn't have jumped, but it only hurt at random. As a result, each jump put me at risk of putting my eardrum through the nozzle of her instrument.
After my ordeal was over, she announced the all-clear. My eardrum was not perforated, and I was able to hear.
It took me a few seconds to make sure I could actually hear, because I was getting all kinds of noises real and imaginary in there. I think my eardrum is bruised, if that's possible.
Anyway, I awoke this morning with hearing almost fully restored. I can hear the same range of sounds in bot hears, but not at the same volume in my left ear as in my right one. Maybe I never did have the same volume levels, what with the apparently wacky architecture my ear possesses. It still feels odd, though, so I'm hoping it will gradually calm down and I'll be back to normal.
If someone invents a solvent that dissolves earwax but not human flesh, they could well be onto something.
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Copyright © 2024 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).