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7:56pm on Wednesday, 20th August, 2014:
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Look up a list of English language idiomatic expressions on the Internet — they're not hard to find. Choose one that's a bit descriptive — "water under the bridge", say, then use it once in a sentence both literally and as an expression: "I argued with my wife about rerouting a river, but it's water under the bridge now". Voila: an easy-to-construct and mildly amusing joke.
"I bought an umbrella this morning. Well, I was feeling a bit under the weather."
"A castaway asked me to give him a job, but I said no. He looked washed up to me."
"I'm always arguing with my brother about Photoshop. It may sound trivial to you, but he blows up everything out of proportion."
"The waiter said I looked like the kind of person who would steal pepper. I took it with a pinch of salt."
Congratulations: you are now capable of writing a joke capable of winning the best joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Puns also work. Next time you want to think of one, climb up the inside of a church steeple and be inspired.
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Copyright © 2014 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).