OK, so the government broke up England and Wales into 32,482 areas and rated each one how deprived it is. Number 1 (ie. most deprived) was Jaywick Sands near Clacton, followed by some part of Grimsby, followed by a swathe of places in Liverpool and Manchester. The least deprived was Chorleywood in Hertfordshire. I've no idea how these figures were calculated (but perhaps would have if I bothered to read the full report), but it seems odd to me that there aren't several places in Kensington less deprived than Chorleywood, and outside London places like Sandbanks aren't exactly impoverished. Oh well.
Anyway, it turns out that out of the 32,462 areas listed, the village I live in, West Bergholt, comes 32,169th. In other words, it's the 284th least-deprived area in England and Wales. This is despite the fact that we don't even have streetlights here.
I hope Colchester's resident burglars don't take advantage of this information...