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9:09am on Monday, 18th July, 2022:

Many Degrees

Anecdote

It's Degree Congregation day at the University of Essex today. It's actually all week, but Computer Science is in the ceremony at 4pm.

Members of staff are invited to join the procession for the congregation. They put on their gowns and follow the university's high-ups onto the stage, where they sit and applaud when students' names are read out. This sounds fun, and indeed it is to begin with. The university usually has some difficulty recruiting members of staff to join the procession, though. Even dutiful members of staff who volunteer for everything they're asked to will try to avoid being part of the procession. New members of staff will often sign up for it, but they don't tend to do so a second time.

The reason for this is the heat. Male members of staff in particular have it tough, as they're required to wear a suit beneath their gowns (female members can get away without a jacket). The gowns themselves aren't lightweight affairs, and sitting on a stage in a hat under hot lighting for an hour and a half, clapping every 30 seconds, becomes a rather unpleasant experience towards the end. You need a large handkerchief to keep mopping the sweat off your face. This is not a joke.

This year, I volunteered to join the procession because the recipient of the honorary degree is a friend of mine, Nigel Roberts. I nominated him, in fact, as he was on the board of ICANN (his term has since ended, but there were no degree ceremonies during the pandemic). I should point out that I didn't nominate him because he was a friend — I have lots of friends in Computer Science — but because of his achievements. It's hard to find an Essex graduate who's held an elected position on an independent board of an international organisation.

Anyway, because I nominated Nigel and had already volunteered to be part of the procession, I was asked to be the Orator. The Orator is the person who reads out a speech extolling the virtues of the recipient of the honorary doctorate. The Orator doesn't write the speech, they just read it (so a bit like The Queen at the State Opening of Parliament). I shall indeed read it, but I may also say some words that aren't in it....

I believe (but am hoping I'm wrong) that the Orator gets to wear a special gown that's red and has heavy brocade trimmings. It's going to be even warmer than a regular gown. Given that today is likely to be the hottest day in England since records began, I am not expecting to be saved by whatever air conditioning they have in the metal-clad lecture theatre (yes, really) where the ceremony is taking place.

It'll be worth it to hear Nigel's speech, anyway — he's had two extra years to polish it. As a bonus, I'll also get to find out what my students look like (I've only ever taught this batch online) and what degree classification they achieved (because neither they nor the university ever tells us anything).

I expect there'll be water to drink but, because we're not allowed to leave the stage except in a personal emergency once the ceremony has begun, I won't be drinking much of it if any. The older you get, the less your bladder holds...




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Copyright © 2022 Richard Bartle (richard@mud.co.uk).